Parenting my two-year-old has been an incredible journey filled with curiosity, wonder, and, at times, unexpected behavior that leaves me questioning whether her reactions are typical or something to be concerned about. One of the things I’ve noticed is that when she doesn’t like what I say, she tells me to go away. Or, if she’s talking and I keep walking, she shouts “stop!” It’s made me wonder—are these just normal toddler behaviors, or is there something deeper going on?
At this age, toddlers are just beginning to understand the world around them and, more importantly, their own sense of self. They are exploring their independence and learning how to communicate their desires and dislikes. While her responses can sometimes feel abrupt or even a little harsh, I realize that this is her way of setting boundaries. It’s not that she’s trying to be rude—she just doesn’t have the words yet to express herself in a more polite way.
When she tells me to go away, it usually happens when I want her to do something she doesn’t want to do, like eat or go to sleep. Instead of simply refusing, she asserts her preference by saying “no, go away.” I realize that this isn’t defiance for the sake of it—she is trying to maintain control over her choices. While it can be frustrating in the moment, I try to remind myself that this is her way of expressing independence, and my job is to guide her towards expressing it in a more constructive way.
When she shouts “stop,” it does not necessarily mean that she just wants me to wait—it means she needs me to stop, come back, and do something with her. It’s her way of making sure I listen to what she is saying and engage with her in the way she wants. She wants to feel heard and to know that what she is saying matters. In these moments, I try to stop what I’m doing, acknowledge her, and respond to her needs in a way that encourages communication rather than frustration.
I’ve come to learn that how I respond to these moments is really important. If I react with frustration, it doesn’t help her learn better ways to communicate. Instead, I’ve started acknowledging her feelings while also modeling a more appropriate way to express them. If she says, “Go away,” I might respond with, “I hear that you don’t want to do this right now, but we need to eat so you have energy.” This way, she knows I respect her feelings but also understand that some things still need to be done.
The same goes for when she tells me to stop. If she wants me to come back and engage with her, I make a point to show her that I hear her and respond in a way that teaches her to communicate more clearly. Instead of just stopping, I might say, “I hear you saying stop. Do you need me to come back and help with something?” This way, I help her connect her feelings with clear communication.
I also try to be consistent. If she knows that I will respect her need for space and listen to her words, she will be more likely to use calmer communication. I realize that what she’s doing now—telling me to go away or yelling “stop”—isn’t about being defiant. It’s about learning how to navigate emotions and interactions. My job is to guide her toward expressing herself in a way that is both respectful and understood by others.
That being said, I do keep an eye on how often these behaviors occur and how intense they are. If she only does it occasionally, especially in moments of frustration, I don’t worry too much. But if it were happening all the time, or if she seemed extremely distressed whenever her boundaries weren’t immediately respected, I would consider whether she needed extra support in learning to regulate her emotions.
Another thing I think about is how she handles boundaries from others. If she expects me to listen to her but struggles to listen to me, then I know it’s something we need to work on together. I try to model what I want her to learn. If I need a moment to myself, I say, “I need some space right now, but I’ll be back soon.” That way, she sees that boundaries go both ways and that they can be expressed in a kind manner.
Every child is different. Some are naturally more independent and assertive, while others are more easygoing. Neither is better or worse—they are just different personalities. I try to keep this in mind when responding to her behavior. I don’t want to stifle her independence, but I do want to help her communicate it in a way that is socially appropriate.
I also think a lot about how my reactions shape her behavior. If she feels ignored when she speaks, she may resort to louder, more demanding expressions to get my attention. That’s why I try my best to respond, even when her communication isn’t quite refined yet. I know that these early experiences lay the foundation for how she will interact with the world as she grows.
At the end of the day, I’ve come to see her saying “go away” or “stop” as a sign that she’s figuring out how to navigate her world. It might not always be easy to hear, but I recognize that it’s part of her development. With patience, understanding, and gentle guidance, I know she will eventually learn better ways to communicate her needs.
Rather than worrying too much, I choose to see these moments as learning opportunities. It’s during these early years that she is forming the skills that will help her in the future—expressing herself, setting boundaries, and respecting others. Yes, it can be frustrating at times, but I remind myself that my job is to help her learn, not to expect perfection. I know that by staying patient and teaching her with love, she will grow into an emotionally intelligent and communicative person.
Parenting is a constant learning experience, and I’m figuring things out as I go. But one thing I know for sure—my daughter isn’t just pushing boundaries, she’s discovering who she is. And that’s a journey I want to support every step of the way.
