Marriage is a beautiful journey, a union of two people who choose to build a life together. But for many newlyweds, the joy of marriage is quickly overshadowed by an invisible weight—the relentless pressure to have children. It begins almost immediately after the wedding, sometimes even before the honeymoon ends. Relatives, friends, acquaintances, and even distant family members start asking the inevitable questions: When will you have a baby? Why isn’t there a child yet? Some ask with curiosity, others with impatience, and some with silent judgment.
It is an exhausting cycle, especially when it comes from those who see marriage only as a stepping stone to parenthood. The idea that a couple should instantly start having children is so deeply ingrained in some cultures that people don’t even stop to consider if the couple is ready. They don’t ask if they are financially stable, emotionally prepared, or even if they want children at all. The assumption is simple: marriage equals children, and if children don’t arrive on schedule, something must be wrong.
The worst part is that these judgments often come from people who do not think family planning is important. To them, having children is just the next step, not a decision that requires thought and preparation. They do not consider that raising a child is a lifelong responsibility that demands financial security, emotional readiness, and mutual agreement between partners. Instead, they measure a marriage’s success by how quickly a couple can conceive.
For some couples, the decision to wait before having children is intentional. They may want to strengthen their bond, achieve career goals, travel, or ensure they can provide a stable life for their future children. This is responsible family planning. But to those who see marriage and childbirth as inseparable, waiting is seen as unnecessary, even selfish. A couple choosing to delay parenthood is often met with disapproval, as if they are neglecting their duty.
Then there are those who do not have a choice. Infertility is a painful struggle, one that many couples face in silence. For them, every question about when they will have children is like a fresh wound. The assumptions are cruel—whispers about whether one of them has a medical issue, behind-the-back discussions about whose “fault” it might be. No one stops to think about the emotional toll it takes on the couple. The constant questions and unsolicited advice only add to their pain, making an already difficult journey even harder.
Some couples go through rounds of medical treatments, exhausting their finances and emotions in the hope of conceiving. Others come to terms with the fact that they may never have biological children. But in either case, the pressure from society doesn’t ease. Instead of offering support, people often choose to gossip, to judge, or to make insensitive remarks. Maybe you’re not trying hard enough. Maybe you’re too stressed. Just relax, and it will happen. These comments, though often said with good intentions, only deepen the hurt.
It is time for people to understand that having children is a deeply personal choice, not a public concern. No one owes an explanation for their reproductive choices. Whether a couple chooses to have children immediately, later, or not at all is entirely their decision. The pressure, the prying questions, and the silent judgments need to stop.
Educating people about family planning is crucial. The belief that marriage automatically leads to children is outdated and unrealistic. People need to recognize that responsible parenthood requires careful thought. A child is not a prize to be won or a milestone to be checked off—it is a lifelong commitment. Pressuring couples into having children before they are ready, or when they are struggling, only causes unnecessary stress and pain.
Respecting personal choices should be the norm. Instead of asking couples when they will have children, why not ask how they are doing? Instead of making assumptions, why not offer support? The world does not need more pressure, more judgment, or more unsolicited opinions. What it needs is understanding, patience, and respect for the fact that not every marriage follows the same timeline.
For those who have been on the receiving end of this pressure, know that you do not owe anyone an explanation. Your marriage, your family, and your choices are yours alone. Whether you have children now, later, or never, what matters most is that you make the decision that is right for you.
