I have lived in Germany for more than a decade, yet my German skills remain far from where they should be. It’s not because I don’t understand the importance of learning the language—I do. I know it would make my life easier, open more opportunities, and help me integrate better. But the truth is, I’ve spent years avoiding it. It’s a shame to admit, but here I am, still struggling, still pushing it aside.
The only time I ever truly studied was when I had to take the A1 and B1 exams. I passed both, but once the pressure was gone, so was my motivation. I told myself I would keep going, that I would build on what I had learned, but instead, I fell back into old habits.
After work, I could have picked up a book or practiced speaking, but I always found something else to do. Watching Korean dramas? Much more appealing. Scrolling through social media? A convenient distraction. Being with my child now that I am a mother? Of course, that takes priority. Anything but German.
Then there’s blogging. I always tell myself that writing is productive, that it helps me express myself, and in many ways, it does. But instead of using my time to improve my German, I end up lost in drafting posts and editing photos. It feels fulfilling, yet at the back of my mind, I know I’m avoiding what I should be doing.
Weekends are no different. I could dedicate a few hours to studying, but instead, I convince myself that I deserve a break. I go out with my family, do shopping or window-shopping, explore new places—anything to feel like I’m making the most of my time. Yet, every time I hear fluent German speakers around me, I feel that familiar pang of guilt.
The thing is, learning a language takes time and effort—both of which I have consistently avoided investing. At first, I told myself I would start tomorrow. Then tomorrow became next week, then next month, and suddenly, years had passed. Now, when I struggle to express myself in conversations, I feel the weight of my procrastination. I know I should be fluent by now. I should be comfortable in German, but I am not. And that is entirely my own doing.
So why do I keep avoiding it? Maybe because German feels intimidating, with its complex grammar and long words that seem impossible to pronounce. Maybe because I’m afraid of making mistakes and sounding foolish. Or maybe it’s just easier to stay in my comfort zone, even if that means struggling in daily life.
But enough is enough. I can keep making excuses, or I can finally commit to learning—really learning—without waiting for another exam to force me into it. I owe it to myself to break free from this cycle of avoidance. No more “tomorrow.” It’s time to start today. 😜
